Direct download of the podcast: Dyslexic Heart 5/29/10 (58:47 min, 53.9 MB) or subscribe.

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1. I don’t drink coffee.
2. I hate wedding receptions. If you invite me to your wedding and I RSVP yes, I’m lying. I’ll likely come up with an excuse to skip it at the last minute.
3. One of the Indigo Girls gave me a disapproving look for wearing a Metallica t-shirt to one of their concerts.
4. My favorite unexpected Las Vegas celebrity sighting is a three-way tie between Bono, Joe Rogan and Phil Giroux.
5. I hate conflict but sometimes say things I know will annoy people and may lead to disagreements. What’s that all about?
6. When I get stressed about work, I dream about the video store job I had in high school and college.
7. Most of the funny things I say are slightly altered jokes from comedy albums in the late ’80s.
8. My best friends in high school were girls, resulting in my voluntary attendance at three New Kids on the Block concerts.
9. I sometimes get jealous of my dogs’ lives. That all goes away when they have to shit outside in January.
10. My friend Cathy has referred to me as Mr. Bubby for the past 14 years, and I’m not really sure why.
11. I’ve never lived more than 3.5 miles from my childhood home.
12. I went to Catholic school from kindergarten through college, which means I’m no longer Catholic but have a thing for girls in plaid skirts.
13. I think the popularity of mobile phones is the worst technological development of my lifetime.
14. My favorite food was, is and probably always will be toast.
15. For at least 12 years, my wallet has consisted of a rubber band. I get a new one about every four months.
16. I miss the Mayte era of Prince’s career.
17. I find few greater joys than sipping cocktails on my deck with my wife on warm Saturday nights with music from inside the house blasting, dogs playing in the yard and bunnies scampering in the distance.
18. I had Minnesota Twins season tickets during a couple of their worst seasons. It ceased being fun when they became good and other people started showing up for the games.
19. I have owned five cars: a Mercury Cougar, two Pontiac 6000s and two Buick LeSabres.
20. I like swearing. Shit. Fuck.
21. I really wish this list was only supposed to be 20 random things because it has taken me more than two hours to get this far.
22. Several times in grade school, I was sent home after vomiting in class. Once I even yacked in the lunchroom, covering Jeff Robertson’s PB&J sandwich with my chunks. In high school, my vomiting moved from the classroom to social events. If I began to feel queasy, I typically went outside to spew. For some reason, I always convinced my friend Dave to come along. He saw me throw up several times. As an adult, I rarely vomit. When I do, it’s directly tied to careless drinking.
23. When I meet people for the first time, I usually assume they’re idiots and let them try to prove that notion false. It saves a lot of time and disappointment.
24. When I go to the bank, I’m paranoid security is watching me and thinking I’m about to rob the place.
25. I had a monster crush on Jessica Alba until she did a movie with Dane Cook

Even in the worst times, however, good things do happen. Looking back on the past 12 months, I see many roses amongst the weeds:

New Dogs: The first few months of the year were some of the saddest days of my life. Following the death of our 10-year-old boxer, Abby, the house was quiet. Really quiet. Painfully quiet. Things couldn’t stay that way for long. On April 5, Michele and I adopted Zoe, another brindle boxer. She immediately returned joy to our home. We soon found that Zoe needed a friend. Some dogs are well-suited to being solo pets. Zoe isn’t one of them. In August, we adopted a three-year-old fawn boxer named Thunder. We loved everything about him except his name, so we changed it to Otis. Zoe and Otis (collectively known as The Zotis) have provided a substantial injection of energy in our lives.

Concerts: I was thinking about doing a year-end list of favorite concerts from 2008 but had a difficult time ranking them. Top shows included Bruce Springsteen, The Hold Steady, George Michael, R.E.M., Semisonic and Oasis. All of these shows left me with post-concert buzzes that lasted for days.

Las Vegas: Taking a trip to Las Vegas is a guaranteed way to make the best of any lame year. In 2008, we squeezed in three trips. Our February trip included a quest for meat that led us to Righteous Urban Barbeque at Rio, a return visit to Bally’s Sterling Brunch, and several other great meals. We ate well. Despite losing, we had so much fine that we attempted (unsuccessfully) to extend our trip by a day. 

The second trip of the year was sort of half business/half pleasure, although all of it was great fun. Thanks to New Media Expo’s move from Ontario, Calif., to Las Vegas, we simply had to go. Although the event itself was largely lame, we had the chance to finally meet several fellow podcaster friends for the first time. Brian Ibbott’s Coverville 500 concert was a definite highlight. In conjunction with NME, we participated in the first Vegas Podcast-a-Palooza with VegasGang and The Strip. I’ll get to that shortly.

Our November trip was much shorter than most of our Vegas vacations. Spanning just three nights, this one was all about packing in as much video poker and Diamond Lounge time as possible. Within 10 minutes of sitting down at the first video poker machine, I hit a royal flush for $1,000. I played on the casino’s money for the next two days. The night before our flight home, I was almost back to even when I hit another $1,000 royal. I ended up taking an extra $1,200 home. Woohoo! In the evenings, we visited our friends in the Paris Diamond Lounge. As always, they took good care of us, providing us with unlimited free booze and good conversation. 

Vegas Podcast-a-Palooza: Despite our social anxieties, Michele and I agreed to record our podcast live on stage in front of an audience at Palms during our August trip. Thanks to an enthusiastic audience and countless pre-show cocktails, our nerves quickly subsided and we had a really fun time. Having a couple hundred people show up to see us, along with the hosts of VegasGang and The Strip, record our shows was mind-blowing. Meeting so many of our listeners (as well as Carrot Top and George Maloof) was pretty damn cool too.

Atlantic City: Over Memorial Day weekend, we returned to Atlantic City for a relaxing four-night vacation. Our previous visit was far too short. Staying a couple additional days gave us the chance to explore the Boardwalk, hang out with our friend Dave and venture over to the legendary White House Subs for unforgettable sandwiches. We drank heavily, gambled a lot and laughed even more. Even though Las Vegas is my heaven, Atlantic City holds a special place in this gambler’s heart as well.

July 4 Road Trip: Some people might cringe at the thought of spending 28+ hours in a vehicle with their spouse over the course of just four days. Not me. Even when our vacations consist of a quick trip to Oklahoma to see the inlaws, I can always count on a good time. In addition to trips to a bunch of crappy casinos in Oklahoma, we worked in a one-night stay at Harrah’s in Council Bluffs, Iowa, which resulted in a $1,000 royal flush, making the trip profitable as well as fun. Bonus.

Old Friends: Events beginning with an unexpected e-mail from a friend I lost touch with about 17 years ago led to a reunion with seven high school chums. After exchanging a bunch of e-mails and messages on Facebook, we got together for dinner and drinks. Despite my repeated proclamations that “this is fucking weird” seeing everyone again was incredible. I realized how much I missed them and found that I still really like these people. I love having my best friends from so long ago back in my life.

10. Weezer: Weezer (The Red Album)  

9. The Foxboro Hot Tubs: Stop Drop and Roll

8. Haley Bonar: Big Star

7. James: Hey Ma

6. Jeremy Messersmith: The Silver City

5. Mike Doughty: Golden Delicious

4. Paul Westerberg: 49:00

3. R.E.M.: Accelerate

2. The Hold Steady: Stay Positive

1. The Gaslight Anthem: The ‘59 Sound

Going into this thing, I figured the career turn occurred in the mid-1980s. When I was only 13, Spies Like Us and his cameo in that Tracy Ullman video left a long-lasting impression on me: Macca was a shameless dork. Knowing how great The Beatles were, I assumed the evolution from great to crap took a while. Not so much.

I live here because I got to see Prince play nearly every Friday and Saturday during the summer of 1995.

I live here because The Gear Daddies helped me survive being surrounded by a bunch of asshats in college.

I live here because I got to see the final Trip Shakespeare shows at The Cabooze and most of the early Pleasure/Semisonic shows at 7th Street Entry, The 400 Bar and First Avenue. 

I live here because I get to see Dan Wilson play several times every year.

I live here because I get to see The New Standards’ annual holiday show, when John, Steve and Chan get together with other talented Minneapolis musicians, like Jeremy Messersmith, Dan Wilson and Matt Wilson, for the most spirited show of the year.

I live here because Haley Bonar has the voice of an angel. 

I live here because there’s always a chance Paul Westerberg might show up.

I live here because I know the skyway don’t move at all like a subway.

I live here because Soul Asylum is still the best bar band in America, and the bars they still play are within 10 minutes of my house.

I live here because I drive by at least one Craig Finn reference every single day.

I live here because, like so many songs by these great musicians, Minneapolis is scratched into my soul.

Ground rules: no covers, no b-sides, no imports—only U.S. album tracks from the albums between Out of the Blue and Deborah. I didn’t include M.Y.O.B. simply because I had quit paying attention by that time and never got around to buying it.

With that, I give you the list (with comments for selected songs):

1. No More Rhyme: The last Top 20 single for Debs, NMR beat out Lost in Your Eyes by a squeaker. Early in my analysis, it seemed as though the little-known Goodbye might rise to the top. However, it was not to be.
2. Lost In Your Eyes: Despite it’s No. 2 slot on the list, Lost in Your Eyes remains a classic. 
3. Goodbye: Without question, Debbie’s ballads have always been better than her other songs. The final track on the Body Mind Soul album, Goodbye nearly pulled an upset, but ultimately fell to No. 3 on the list.
4. Shake Your Love: Debbie’s poppiest song, Shake Your Love is also the best of her non-ballads. After hearing it, I just can’t shake the chorus—the sign of a great pop song.
5. Let’s Run Away: The 1995 Think With Your Heart album had several strong ballads but none as strong as this track. 
6. Ode To A Would Be Lover: The top-placing track from Deborah, Ode To A Would Be Lover charts high despite it’s lame title.
7. We Could Be Together: If I hadn’t excluded remixes from the competition, the Campfire Mix of this song would have likely cracked the Top 5. 
8. Between The Lines: Also the title of Debbie’s autobiography, Between the Lines also seemed like a stronger choice than Staying Together for the fifth single from the Out of the Blue album. Unfortunately, record labels are run by morons, so it remained an album track.
9. Only In My Dreams: Any Debbie Gibson Top 10 without this song would be a sham.
10. Out Of The Blue: Ditto.
11. Foolish Beat: This is a controversial placing for Debbie’s first No. 1 single. I find it a tad overwrought.
12. One Hand, One Heart: The No. 12-14 picks are the highest-placing songs from the Anything is Possible album. AIP suffered from being overproduced and far too long for its own good. Clocking in at nearly 80 minutes, the album was divided by two sides, NRG Up and Mood Swings. NRG Up pretty much sucks. Mood Swings contains all of the ballads and would have been a pretty solid album without the other eight tracks.
13. Sure
14. Try
15. How Can This Be?: Getting dumped = good song.
16. Dancin’ In My Mind: Have I mentioned that I really like the Think With Your Heart album? This ballad is another reason why.
17. You Don’t Have To See: Much like better-known Debbie ballads No More Rhyme and Foolish Beat and despite being recorded in the mid-’90s, this song features that dependable staple of the ’80s—the sax solo.
18. Who Loves Ya Baby?: The opening track from the Electric Youth album, Who Loves Ya Baby? is the highest ranking upbeat Debbie song never released as a single. 
19. Where I Wanna Be
20. Should’ve Been The One
21. Wake Up To Love
22. Cry Tonight
23. Helplessly In Love
24. Can’t Do It Alone
25. Didn’t Have The Heart
26. Think With Your Heart
27. Only Words
28. Deep Down
29. Staying Together
30. Where Have You Been?
31. Two Young Kids
32. I Will Let You Go
33. Just Wasn’t Love
34. Over The Wall
35. This So-Called Miracle: This song isn’t bad, but it’s more than seven minutes long. I guess this is Deb’s Freebird. 
36. Love in Disguise
37. Red Hot
38. Fallen Angel
39. Losin’ Myself
40. Shades of the Past
41. Mood Swings
42. Do You Have It In Your Heart?
43. Another Brick Falls
44. Naturally
45. For Better or Worse
46. Anything is Possible: Wondering which of Debbie’s songs has the worst production? With vocals alternating between channels early in the song, this one is the clear winner.
47. Silence Speaks (A Thousand Words): The opening flute solo is enough to ruin an otherwise decent ballad.
48. Tear Down These Walls
49. In His Mind
50. Free Me
51. Love Or Money
52. Kisses 4 One
53. Give Me Your Love
54. Electric Youth: This song was actually a hit. Wow.
55. It Must’ve Been My Boy
56. Play The Field
57. Nobody’s You
58. Dontcha Want Me Now?
59. Stand Your Ground
60. Negative Energy: The drum beat on this song sounds like it was produced on the Casio keyboard I had as a child.
61. One Step Ahead: This is one of the dreaded Anything is Possible songs featuring Debbie rapping. Not a good idea.
62. Lead Them Home My Dreams: Too much production for too little of a song.
63. When I Say No: Debbie takes on date rape and teaches a generation of girls how to fend off advances from the quarterback.
64. I Can’t: This song is just really dull.
65. Shock Your Mama: Debbie’s mama was her manager. She should have been shocked at how bad this song was and pulled it from the album. Somehow it ended up as a single. 
66. Reverse Psychology: Whoever encouraged Debbie to rap on the Anything is Possible album should be severely punished. 
67. Moonchild: The title alone is enough to place Moonchild in the bottom five.
68. Too Fancy: With sort of a cabaret vibe to it, this song is just too Broadway.
69. Butterflies Are Free: Horrible title and horrible lyrics. Barely edged out for worst song by Little Birdie.
70. Little Birdie: Despite a fairly decent chorus, every other part of this song is unlistenable. 

Gem number one came shortly after Prince appeared on The Essence Awards, performing a bastardized version of his 1987 song, “The Cross.” Because he was going through one of his many religious awakenings, he changed the song to “The Christ” and preached during the song’s introduction about how Jesus didn’t die on a cross. According to Prince, he actually died on a stauros—a wooden stake used for torture or death. This seemed to me like a good time for a phone call.

The second of my legendary New Funk calls came about when Prince packaged New Power Generation, Chaka Kahn and Larry Graham CDs together as the “New Power Pack.”

Finally, my favorite New Funk call was inspired by Larry Graham, legendary bass player from Sly and the Family Stone and Graham Central Station. For some reason, his stage attire at the time was a ridiculous white suit and sailor hat. He was on the Paisley Park payroll at the time, frequently performing with Prince. It seemed to me that New Funk should be carrying a custom Larry Graham clothing line.